Read between the lines

Here's a great article from Henry Rollins that originally appeared in Details Magazine. A lot of wisdom in here...

http://barefootfts.com/blog/Iron+-+Henry+Rollins/

Smile with your eyes...

I don't have much time so, unlike my other long-winded posts that are filled with wit, I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet.

On a recent teleseminar on role playing put on by the guys at The Art of Charm (http://www.theartofcharm.com) and Pickup Podcast (http://www.pickuppodcast.com), one of the guys brought up the idea of smiling with your eyes. They went on to explain how to do this by raising your lower eyelids and cheekbones slightly.

I've had several women make comments on "that look" that I give them and I know that this is exactly what they're talking about - smiling with the eyes while holding good eye contact. Here's how I learned it.

First you need to arm yourself with two things: a mirror, and the memory of something hilarious. Think of something funny enough that it genuinely makes you smile big or laugh out loud (yes I actually typed that out, sparing you the teenage-girl interweb atrocity that guys should never use). Got those two things? Good.

Stand in front of the mirror with a relaxed look on your face. Notice the way the lower half of your face feels - nice and relaxed. Now notice the way the upper half of your face feels - also nice and relaxed. Great.

Now I want you to give a fake smile. Doesn't have to be too big. Imagine your in a bad mood and someone asks you to smile for a picture. You get the hint. Great, now hold that fake smile and again notice how the lower half of your face feels, and then the upper half. With the lower half you can feel the muscles contracted into the fake smile, but with the upper half your face is still relaxed. Really focus on what this feels like - by the end of the exercise you'll be doing the opposite of this.

Now go back to a relaxed face for a second, shake off that crappy fake smile, and then start to think of whatever your memory was that was so funny. Really focus on it, put yourself there until you are genuinely smiling or laughing. Now as you are really smiling look into that mirror, and at the same time notice how your face feels, particularly the upper half of your face. Your lower eyelids should be slightly raised and you may have the little "crow's feet" or wrinkles near the outer corners of your eyes. This is how you tell a real smile from a fake on - it's all in the eyes.

Do this exercise several times until you are familiar with the feeling that you should have in your eyes and upper face, and practice replicating that but while keeping your lower face relaxed, and you'll have it in no time!

Just for fun, here's a link to a 20 question test on spotting a fake smile. Really look at these pictures and see hwo good you do:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/

Until next time...

Coaching and a free bootcamp

Real quick update to the ol' blog - I'll soon be doing coaching through a site started by KC Lair founder Rez. The webpage is http://www.kc-connections.com/ and my profile can be found at http://kc-connections.com/wordpress/?page_id=59.

To kick off the start of my coaching I'm considering putting together a free, limited-admission bootcamp in Kansas City. Anyone who may be interested go ahead and email me to get your spot booked now. Never can be too early!

How many will you meet today?

It amazes me how many guys start to get into this stuff, can walk into a club with guns blazing, and totally own the place, yet walk through their daily lives with no change in their habits or behaviors, including continuing in the old routine of not approaching women. While the principles of attraction remain the same, the high-energy club is a different dynamic from the places you go in your daily life. If you want to be a "pickup artist" then great, good to know that you have a goal in mind - stick to social proofing your club and enjoy the fruits of your labor. However, if you want to transcend the label, if you want to make your success with women a positive change and addition to your entire lifestyle, rather then just your weekend nights, then I highly suggest you begin working on your daygame.

The first thing you need to do is come to the realization that you can and will meet women ANYWHERE. Attractive women are everywhere you go (except maybe a Weight Watchers meeting), and there's nothing but your own fear of judgment stopping you from making a new friend or more. Every morning when you wake up, prepare yourself to meet women anywhere you go.

Having this mentality, and following through with approaching the women you see, will take your confidence with women, as well as your overall lack of insecurity, and skyrocket it. You'll notice you won't really need this club "avatar" - you're skills are becoming a part of you and your life.

So let's get the ball rolling...

One thing I want to throw out about day game is that you need to be aware of your energy level. When in a club your energy level should be higher than (or at least match) the set you're opening - that's common knowledge. You don't want to bring down the energy of the group. This is where gaming in the daytime is different. When gaming in the daytime I've had the most success by taking the opposite approach. I want to be the most chilled out, layed back guy around. I want to show her that even though we're out in this open social environment and surrounded by strangers, I am just as relaxed as I would be at my own home. Any pressures that could come up won't budge me at all.

Storytime. I once made eye contact with a very attractive woman at a local shopping center. I immediately walked towards her and used one of my favorite openers. Now usually I would advocate smiling when you open but not with this one. I walked up to her, stopped with her at my side, and in a very calm (yet accusatory) way, I ask "Did you just give me a dirty look?"
"I...uh...no...I don't think so" she replies in a not-so-sure tone
"Why would you do that? Do you know me from somewhere?" I say, as if I didn't hear her answer.
"No, I don't think so...but...(shy smile comes up on her face) can I have your number?"
"Wow, first you want to fight me and now you want my number huh? I guess that's the better way to go, I seriously don't think you'd be able to do much with these noodles" I say as I squeeze her arm as if feeling her bicep.
I've had this happen several times but this particular girl I actually questioned later, and she told me that she was so turned on by how relaxed and layed back I was that it really didn't matter what I said. My body language and super calm demeanor won her.

Along the same lines of a calm presence, something you may want to give a try to is going into slow-mo mode when you're out sometime. Now I don't mean walk super slow like the slow kid at school with the lopsided head that fell down the steps alot when he was little. I'm talking walk slow as if there's not a care in the world. Know that in this instance when I say slow I mean REALLY slow down. Like I said, make your movements like you're in slow motion. When I'm out during the day I seem to get the most IOI's and approach invitations after I've been up all the night before. I walk around tired and lazily, my eyes half shut, and I get an amazing amount of stares and smiles.

Like anything else different things are going to work for different people. If the super calm, laid back guy doesn't seem congruent, then your safest bet would be to just match the energy of your environment. If you're in a more laid back setting then be just as laid back. If you're in a faster paced place then pick it up a bit.

Now my perspective on daygame is simply this: pull them out of their routine. This is really a pretty universal thing in terms of pickup, but I think it's really essential for daygame and works like magic for hired guns. Most people are a walking ball of patterns and habits. If you can break them out of that then you're going to make an impact, and the farther from their routine you take them the more emotionally charged they can get. Think about this: imagine a sliding scale from 0 - 100, with 50 being neutral. 100 is going to be the most highly positive event or scenario or thing that that person is capable of handling. On the opposite end, getting down towards 0 and you're getting into things so negative and tramatic that they cause permanent emotional damage. Most people, on average, are going to walk around in everyday life lingering somewhere between about 40-60. So what kind of an impact do you think you can have on her if you open with something that takes her up to a 65? A 70 or higher?

I like to get pretty absurd sometimes, just because some of it can be so far out in left field that it completely sucks them in. One example that I've used several times - if I'm out shopping and see some crazy underwear, I'll pick them up. Now if an attractive female walks by as I shop I stop her for an opinion, hold up the underwear over my midsection, and say "what do ya think? I could totally rock these, yeah?" Keep in mind most of the time we're talking about a sparkly red man-thong or a bright orange and pink banana-hammock. Always gets a great response.

An entire post could probably be done on this alone so I'm going to go into more detail for now, but for a few examples read my previous post about the grocery store.

So here are a few more pointers for your daytime experience. Firstoff, though it's best to approach her quickly and steer clear of proximity, make sure you approach her when there isn't as much of a chance for interruption. If she's in a line getting ready to order, or if she's working and has customers to deal with, then hold off. You want to minimize interruptions. You also want to try to make her more comfortable then she is, and don't be afraid to lead her. If you can insta-date her go for it but don't expect it to happen quickly. Her shields are going to be lower then they are in a club environment, and most of the time if she's acting as if she's blowing you off it's not because she is but rather because she's not used to being pulled from her routine and doesn't know how to react. Just act like approaching her was not a big deal - just like any other pickup, if you're nervous or uncomfortable then she will be too. Walk up cool, get her attracted quick, and work on building a quick connection with her. Then you either insta-date, set up a day2, or number close. If you can't insta-date then set up a day2, get her number, then hang out for another minute and connect with her. Don't just get her number and split. Chat for another minute, make it fun, and leave at a high point - leave her wanting more. Don't let it taper off.

When you begin approaching women you're going to notice that you'll hear one phrase a whole hell of a lot - "I have a boyfriend". This is a woman's default line, whether it's true or not. Don't let it scare you off, she's simply trying to protect herself from douchebags. Most guys would walk away, which is obviously not the right thing to do. Don't let it throw you off track. I usually reply with something like "Awesome, good job. Anyways...(back to convo", or "Great, I like a challenge", "Cool, that'll give you something to do when I'm not around" or, if she says it while I'm trying to set up a day2 - "He can't come. So anyways....". Show her it doesn't bother you and that you aren't going to put a second thought into it and you'll be okay. Usually you can still get a number (or more) even if it's true.

This is starting to get long and drawn out so now on to my most successful daygame technique. This is really no secret. Guys like David DeAngelo talk about throwing stuff like this in, but I hardly even see guys doing it even in small amounts, not less structuring an entire interaction on it. I've done this quite a few times in the past, but never really realized how insanely effective it was until I really reflected back and noticed that it's honestly never failed me. It always gets a good reaction and has led to a lot of good nights where she chased and seduced me.
Basically I open her with an exaggerated bitch or complaint or accusation. When I say exaggerated I mean complete with loud sighs, rolling my eyes, throwing my hands up in disbelief. It's so over-the-top with my tone and actions that it's obviously joking. Sometimes I'll just sigh, roll my eyes, and shake my head in response to something they say. Occassionally I'll squint my eyes and give a little sly smile after I say something in this way.

The initial reaction I usually get is an apology for whatever they're being accused of, combined with a laugh. Soon they start playing along. If you get a fun one they'll play along right away. I basically keep this up for several minutes, and then back off of it and go into rapport, but I still sprinkle it in here and there. Also, anytime I ask her a question I turn my head slightly to the side, furrow my brows, and ask in a suspicious way.

This is harder to effectively explain then I thought it would be. Let me give you an example of a conversation or two.

Here's a common scenario: I turn my cart up an aisle at the grocery store and see an attractive woman looking for an item. She's left her cart in the very middle of the aisle, so I'll have to squeeze by. Rather then do that I simply stop when I get close, sigh loudly, shake my head, gesture towards her cart and, in an exaggerated frustration, say "Just take up the whole aisle". I then roll my eyes, continue to shake my head, and say "god...". I say this whether she sees me standing there or not, and I say it loud enough that I know she'll hear.
"Sorry" she says with a small chuckle, and move her cart aside.
"I swear..." I say, squinting my eyes and again shaking my head. I then give a small smile and walk away. That's right, I continue up the aisle.
Of course an aisle or two down I run into her again. I again act frustrated and in an accusatory way I throw out a common community line...
"Are you following me now? I kinda get that stalker vibe from ya." She'll almost always reply by playing along and saying that she is indeed following you.
"You know, stalking is a very serious offense, you better knock it off. I don't need another stalker."
In some instances I'll throw out a cold read here, usually along the lines of her being a troublemaker, etc etc., however, most of the time I walk off yet again. When I run into her a third time I again act over-the-top angry
"That's it, I've had enough. I'm calling the police. You're going down (notice the double entendre)"
Usually after taking it this far I'll start to go into rapport. You don't wanna keep this up forever and it really doesn't take much to get her into you.

That last one is based off of many real interactions I've had, and trust me, it works. I'll throw out one more quick example. I had a girlfriend that had a very hot friend. The first time I ever met her I was still pretty much an AFC, but I've always been a smartass. She came over and I stayed pretty quiet until she said something kinda cheesy. I looked at her, shook my head, and said "oh my god, you're such a dork". She looked at me like she couldn't believe it, which she probably couldn't considering this was the first thing I ever said to her. That started the ball rolling. The next time she came over I got up to the answer the door, saw it was her, and said "Oh, it's just the dorky girl" and rolled my eyes. This basically escalated over the next three or four interactions. Nothing I EVER said to this girl was nice. It was all like I described above. She would come over, I would answer, and say "Oh my god, you're back again? (shakes head) Don't you have a home?". Anyways, after a few weeks my gf and I broke up. The next day her friend shows up, supposedly not knowing that we were broken up. I let her in anyways telling her she can come in for a minute until she gets on my nerves. She walked right in and told me that she's bored, and that she got all dressed up and has nothing to do.
"I even shaved" she said.
"About time, you coulda braided that leg hair" I responded
"I shaved my legs too, but that's not what I was talking about." She then stood up and lifted her skirt, showing me that she is indeed proficient with a razor. I then found out she was proficient with many other things as well...
I'd love to hear what you guys think of this article - shoot me an email with your comments, questions, advice, and especially any success stories. Until next time...

-Dane

I love the grocery store

I read an article by Scot McKay based around meeting women in the grocery store (Google it you lazy bastards) and thought I'd throw out a few things I use.

Everything posted has been field testing numerous times...

*Get in line behind her. If you happen to be in the express lane then accuse her of cheating by having more then the allotted number of items. If she doesn't actually have more then get creative - count a carton of eggs as 12 items, etc. Tell her you're going to snitch her out and she's going to be in trouble.

*If you're in line behind her and can't use what's above then pick something out of her cart that you really like and make a big deal out of it. Be more excited about the item then you are about her. Exclaim how much you love Honey Buns or whatever it is, and go into detail about that item, tell a story about it, or pretend like you are stealing them out of her cart. Inversely, you can push her away or disqualify by finding something nasty in her cart and busting on her for eating shitty stuff.

*Again you're behind her in line. Put your groceries on the checkout but don't put the little divider - just leave a little blank spot between yours and hers. When the cashier is done ringing hers and starts ringing yours she will stop him/her. When she does say something along the lines of "No, no, it's too late, just go ahead and ring them up together, she'll pay for 'em". Then thank her. She'll usually laugh and be open to chatting. If the cashier doesn't start to ring yours up to but instead either asks or just stops when they get to yours then you can say "Just go ahead and ring them all up, she'll cover it".

*This sounds absurd but I've used it quite a few times and love it. See a woman with alcohol in her cart? Approach her and tell her you are an undercover store employee and that you're doing preemptive ID checks for alcohol, and that you don't think she's old enough to purchase it. Get a little absurd with it, women buy into it. Make her show you ID if you want. If she does and is having fun or digging it then accuse her of showing you a fake ID, explain how you need two more proofs of identification, or explain how in order to investigate further you're going to need to meet up tomorrow/get her number/nail her in the bathroom....

*Hot woman have her cart in the middle of the aisle where you can't or can barely squeeze by? I usually stop, give her a serious look, and in an overly serious exaggerated way I'll throw up my hands, say something like "God, just take up the whole aisle", then roll my eyes, shake my head, and sigh loudly. This obviously has to be done so over-the-top that they know you're joking. Always gets a laugh and from here you can usually start a convo pretty easy.

*Accuse her of being stoned if she has a lot of junk food - chips, cereal, pizza rolls, etc. Try to buy drugs from her.

These next two are my favorites, they get used a lot....

*If a woman stops by you to look or grab something from the shelf, move a little closer to her (or if she's looking at something you can stop by her and act like you're looking in the same area). After a few seconds turn your head towards her and say "Am I in your way?" To which she'll almost always respond "No, you're fine". You then step aside so that you're basically right in front of her, blocking her view (with your back to her, you're still going to be looking on the shelf). Then say "How about now?". Game on.

*Do anything (including that last one directly above) to get her to say "You're fine" - most of the time you can do this if she's looking for something near you and you say "oh excuse me" and step aside, or if your cart is towards the middle of the aisle and as she gets close you move it just out of the way enough for her to get by, again saying "Oh, sorry, excuse me". She'll reply "You're fine". This is an invitation for all kinds of cocky funny remarks, such as looking at her and saying "Thanks, you're pretty cute yourself" or "I think so too but that's just my ego talking" or "I'm fine huh? Are you trying to pick me up? Better try a little harder". You can really take this a lot of different directions. Listen for this, I never realized how often women say "you're fine" until I starting spinning off of it.

And a little bonus:
*Credit to David Wygant for this one - when she's in the frozen foods section, approach and in the condensation on the freezer door draw a tic-tac-toe board. Put an X somewhere on there, then look at her, motion, and say "your turn", Man this is awesome...

That's it for now. These are just little openers to pull her out of her mundane shopping experience, the rest is up to you. Remember, think in terms of the situation and environment and your possibilities are limitless...

-Dane

Use Your Big Boy Voice - Vocal Exercises II

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Be Heard! Developing Your Alpha Voice

As some of you can see I've changed the site to a blog format. It's much easier to work with and looks cleaner.

If you haven't signed up for my mailing list then what the hell are you waiting for? I changed the service I use for my mailing list so even if you were previously signed up please do so again, as the new company will NOT allow me to transfer my old list.

Alright, let's get on to the meat-and-potatoes. There are a few key fundamentals that I think everyone should work on when it comes to improving yourself to make yourself more attractive. Things like body language, eye contact, fashion, vocal quality, this is stuff that can really improve your game. Hell, the typical douchebag (or AFC as known in the "community") can do nothing more then work on these basic qualities and make dramatic improvements.

Running rampant online are articles that tell you how to move, how to walk, how to dress, etc. However, one thing I've noticed a shortage of is a resource to help you develop a strong, loud, resonant voice. Well look no farther.

Developing an all-around good voice isn't really hard, it's simply a matter of learning how to speak the right way and practicing it until it happens naturally.

School is in session.

The best place to begin is with your breathing, and getting it down is your first step.

Stand up with your arms down at your sides. Slowly inhale, paying attention to your shoulders as you do. Did they move? Most likely they did. When you're using your chest and shoulders this is called accessory breathing, and it's a habit you need to break. The natural way that people are intended to breathe is called diaphragmatic breathing. Unless you hit your head a lot when you were a kid you've probably figured out that this type of breathing uses your diaphragm to draw air into your lungs.

So let's try another exercise.

Diaphragmatic Breathing

The easiest way to do this is to lie on your back, so get your ass on the floor. Great. Now put one hand on your stomach in the area of your belly button, and the other hand on your chest. Your focus here is to inhale slowly through your nose (I'll explain why later) for approx. 6-8 seconds, making the hand on your stomach rise but making sure that your hand on your chest is motionless - remember, you don't want to use your chest to breathe. Hold this breath for a few seconds, then relax your diaphragm as you slowly exhale, again for 6-8 seconds. The breath out doesn't really have to be forced, as the diaphragm will naturally push air out as it returns to it's relaxed state.

Not only do you want to repeat this several times, but you should also practice breathing like this throughout the day. Just by focusing on what muscles you are using to breathe you can "retrain" your body to naturally use those muscles. The best part is you can really do this anywhere - in the car, in class, at work...you get the point.

The purpose of breathing through your nose is that your nose filters the air and keeps it moist, where breathing through your mouth can typically dry out your throat.

At the risk of complicating things, I'm going to go ahead and throw in a little information for you future American Idol contestants. If you're a singer you want to breathe just as I've described above, but you're going to take it one step farther: when you inhale you are not only going to expand your stomach/diaphragm but also your sides and lower back. The easiest way to do this is to image that there is a balloon in your stomach that you are inflating with each inhalation. For more on this I really recommend seeking professional lessons or buying some singing instructionals online.

Larynx Exercises

Great, you're working on your breathing. Next we're going to do a few exercises that will teach your larynx to go into the proper position while you speak.

These may seem odd, but then again so does memorizing scripts and games to try to get pussy, isn't it? These exercises work, practice them daily or better yet several times throughout the day.

Think about how Yogi Bear or Rocky Balboa talk. You're going to emulate their speaking style saying the word "mum". When you do this your voice should not only be deep but should also kinda make that sound like when you have a cold and your nose is stuffed. Try this a few times and you'll get it.

Now, in your deep "Yogi Bear with a cold" voice you're going to sing the song "Happy Birthday", but replace all the words with "mum". As you do this remember to take in a breath through your nose using your diaphragmatic breathing, and make sure that your diaphragm is moving IN as you say each "mum", so that you are exhaling - too often people hold their breath when they talk. Big mistake.

The second larynx exercise is similar to the first, except this time you're going to replace the word "mum" with the word "no". Also you can change the song if you want, but don't pick anything too fast or crazy. You may be an old-school Metallica fan, but save this shit for when you're working out. Children's songs work good for these larynx exercises. I suppose that if Metallica happens to redo children's songs then this would be a loophole.

Practice these three exercises as much as you can throughout the day, and before long your breathing will naturally become diaphragmatic and your larynx will develop the "memory" to stay in the proper position when you speak.

On Saturday I'll post part 2, which will cover one of the most debated pieces of vocal mastery - voice resonance, as well as pacing and vocal tonality. The section on resonance alone will be worth the read.

Don't forget to sign up for my mailing list to receive instant notification of updates! Until Saturday....

-Dane