I love the grocery store

I read an article by Scot McKay based around meeting women in the grocery store (Google it you lazy bastards) and thought I'd throw out a few things I use.

Everything posted has been field testing numerous times...

*Get in line behind her. If you happen to be in the express lane then accuse her of cheating by having more then the allotted number of items. If she doesn't actually have more then get creative - count a carton of eggs as 12 items, etc. Tell her you're going to snitch her out and she's going to be in trouble.

*If you're in line behind her and can't use what's above then pick something out of her cart that you really like and make a big deal out of it. Be more excited about the item then you are about her. Exclaim how much you love Honey Buns or whatever it is, and go into detail about that item, tell a story about it, or pretend like you are stealing them out of her cart. Inversely, you can push her away or disqualify by finding something nasty in her cart and busting on her for eating shitty stuff.

*Again you're behind her in line. Put your groceries on the checkout but don't put the little divider - just leave a little blank spot between yours and hers. When the cashier is done ringing hers and starts ringing yours she will stop him/her. When she does say something along the lines of "No, no, it's too late, just go ahead and ring them up together, she'll pay for 'em". Then thank her. She'll usually laugh and be open to chatting. If the cashier doesn't start to ring yours up to but instead either asks or just stops when they get to yours then you can say "Just go ahead and ring them all up, she'll cover it".

*This sounds absurd but I've used it quite a few times and love it. See a woman with alcohol in her cart? Approach her and tell her you are an undercover store employee and that you're doing preemptive ID checks for alcohol, and that you don't think she's old enough to purchase it. Get a little absurd with it, women buy into it. Make her show you ID if you want. If she does and is having fun or digging it then accuse her of showing you a fake ID, explain how you need two more proofs of identification, or explain how in order to investigate further you're going to need to meet up tomorrow/get her number/nail her in the bathroom....

*Hot woman have her cart in the middle of the aisle where you can't or can barely squeeze by? I usually stop, give her a serious look, and in an overly serious exaggerated way I'll throw up my hands, say something like "God, just take up the whole aisle", then roll my eyes, shake my head, and sigh loudly. This obviously has to be done so over-the-top that they know you're joking. Always gets a laugh and from here you can usually start a convo pretty easy.

*Accuse her of being stoned if she has a lot of junk food - chips, cereal, pizza rolls, etc. Try to buy drugs from her.

These next two are my favorites, they get used a lot....

*If a woman stops by you to look or grab something from the shelf, move a little closer to her (or if she's looking at something you can stop by her and act like you're looking in the same area). After a few seconds turn your head towards her and say "Am I in your way?" To which she'll almost always respond "No, you're fine". You then step aside so that you're basically right in front of her, blocking her view (with your back to her, you're still going to be looking on the shelf). Then say "How about now?". Game on.

*Do anything (including that last one directly above) to get her to say "You're fine" - most of the time you can do this if she's looking for something near you and you say "oh excuse me" and step aside, or if your cart is towards the middle of the aisle and as she gets close you move it just out of the way enough for her to get by, again saying "Oh, sorry, excuse me". She'll reply "You're fine". This is an invitation for all kinds of cocky funny remarks, such as looking at her and saying "Thanks, you're pretty cute yourself" or "I think so too but that's just my ego talking" or "I'm fine huh? Are you trying to pick me up? Better try a little harder". You can really take this a lot of different directions. Listen for this, I never realized how often women say "you're fine" until I starting spinning off of it.

And a little bonus:
*Credit to David Wygant for this one - when she's in the frozen foods section, approach and in the condensation on the freezer door draw a tic-tac-toe board. Put an X somewhere on there, then look at her, motion, and say "your turn", Man this is awesome...

That's it for now. These are just little openers to pull her out of her mundane shopping experience, the rest is up to you. Remember, think in terms of the situation and environment and your possibilities are limitless...

-Dane